Ten Things

"I wish to thank the Academy..." Oops - wrong award. The Beautiful Blogger and Honest Scrap Awards have been graciously bestowed upon your humble servant by the most perceptive (wink wink) Bibliophiliac (have not figured out how to do links, but you can find that delightful blog in the list over yonder) with the instruction to tell 10 things about myself, and then to award the same honors to 10 other blogs that I admire. (Which will be the easiest thing about this entire endeavor).

I don't much like myself as a subject. I am truly boring. So, we'll start with the obvious:

(Grad climbs upon her soap box and clears throat and speaks):

"As mayor of the Munchkin city, in the county and the land of Oz..."

"Psst,"

"Hmmm? "

"No, wrong script. This is the one 'ya want."

"Oh, quite right."

(Applause, applause - hoots and hollers)

Grad, feigning to waive the crowd to silence ("Might as well milk this one to the last drop") as she "tut-tuts" the honor bestowed - with false humility and wondering if she remembered lipstick - addresses the adoring throng. "Thank you. Thank you my friends. We are gathered here - today - at this momentous moment of momentous-ness -- Err - to pay homage to..Um...ME! Yep! ME. I accept these awards with a fulsome heart. Ten delightful and hitherto unknown facts about Oh so wonderful wonderful Moi are as follows:

1. I am as boring as watching dust settle; but

2. My children think I am the best mother that ever walked the planet. Of course, I brainwashed them unashamedly. In my defense, loyal fans can be hard to come by so sometimes we just have to grow our own.

3. Twenty-one years ago I built a house that was supposed to be the home of my dreams. The dream turned into a big, hungry elephant that eats peanuts by the shovelful; alas, my shovel is often too small. I spend most of my free time devoted to its care and feeding. At times I am certain it hates me; at other times I think it merely loves to play tricks on me. Still, it's home and it is where I am happiest.

4. True and enduring love has eluded me all my life. I'm not sure why. Perhaps I've been lucky in so many other things my dance card was deemed full by the powers that be. Or...it could be (refer here to #1).

5. I have a happy soul and I am pretty good at making people laugh.

6. I believe in God and in heaven. If I'm wrong, no harm done. If I'm right, I hit the jackpot.

7. I've kissed the Blarney Stone.

8. I love people and have wonderful friends; but, I am a very solitary person. Having to go to work everyday probably saves me from being a recluse.

9. I want to be a writer when I grow up.

10. I want a red Hula Hoop, just like the one I had as a kid. And after I bring it home, I'm taking it into the backyard to practice (to the utter horror of my neighbors to be sure) until I become just as good at it as I was then. (I won a neighborhood Hula Hooping contest one summer. That I even remember such an un-auspicious occasion is probably number 11 in this list, but that would exceed my quota).

Well, dear friends I could go on, and on, and on about ME...What? What's that? Did I hear someone shout, 'More'?'" (She hadn't but mused "what the hell.")

Then I shall gladly bow to popular demand and proceed to start from the beginning. Ahem. There were gale force winds on the day I was born to poor but proud parents who were descended from the royal line of the House of Scrabowski in the county of Droznovia, nestled in the hills outside..."

Expounding prolifically, she failed to take notice that the crowd had slowly dispersed to a little pub around the corner. Apparently everyone was in need of a good, stiff drink. Grad, as was her wont, went home alone - in the rain - to eat a bowl of cold gruel.