When In Doubt, Steal An Idea

The Curious Reader: Grad? Oh, Grad? You really need to come up with something to write about. I am growing very tired of languishing. You need to go someplace or do something...bore, bore, bore.

Grad: Oh, God, it's you again. I'm afraid you are growing into a pest of heavy-duty proportions. I have created a monster who is always pulling at my sleeve.

The Curious Reader: Ahh! Shall I call you Mary Shelley, then?

Grad: Your attempt at humor, is it?

The Curious Reader: Not too subtle?

Grad: Decidedly not. If I borrow a meme from other bloggers, will you please be still for a few days while I get some work accomplished? My banker, my bartender and my bookie will appreciate it.

The Curious Reader: You have a bookie?

Grad: (Groan) Never mind.


Books I Haven't Read: (A Purloined Idea from Bookman)


1) The Bible. I haven't read the Bible. The only portions I've read are the Gospels and Epistles used as readings at Mass. I have an old Bible History text book that was my sister's, but I haven't read that either. Very odd since all the schools I went to, including the one in Ireland, were Catholic institutions.


2) Not The Secret Garden nor Alice Through the Looking Glass nor any of Anne of Green Gables. What was I reading in those callow days? Most likely detective stories.


3) I read Twilight and liked it, but my interest sputtered out half-way through the second book. What was the title? Eclipse? New Moon? I can't even recall that; I gave it away to someone. Everyone else is wild about the series so I'm sure the problem is with me.

4) Anything by Willa Cather. I can hardly believe it, but it's true.

5) Aesop. I had a copy of Aesop's Fables which my eldest son read and re-read as a child. He knew all the stories and characters and loved to tell me about them. I am familiar with many of the tales but only through his eyes and his retelling.

6) Alexandre Dumas. No Three Musketeers, no Count of Monte Cristo. But I am determined to right that wrong.

7) The Little Prince by Antoine de St. Exupery. This is shocking to me. I read every night to my children, but alas, I did not introduce it to them. I do have a grandson, so there is redemption for me I trust.

8) The Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Laroux. I did see the play at Albert Hall in London, however. It was the most magnificent thing I've ever seen on-stage. Actually more thrilling than any movie I've seen as well.

9) D. H. Lawrence. I tried, honestly I did.

10) Number 10 I have reserved for something I did read, but really shouldn't have. I think I felt I had to prove something to myself. Or maybe I got drunk one night and began to read it on a dare. I read it while a student in Ireland so that could have had something to do with my folly. In any event, I wish I could get back the time spent reading the damn thing. I could have spent that time reading one of the above more worthwhile works, or getting a manicure, or learning to dance the Macarena. So here it is...the most boring book of all time (including The Story of Cutlery) (drum roll, please)...Ulysses. I think James Joyce figured the publisher was going to charge him for every period he used. Go ahead and read it if you insist, but it should come with a warning label so you know what you're getting into. Why it is a classic I couldn't say. Someone with a lot of letters after his name probably labeled it brilliant, and that is all it took. Personally, I wonder whether Joyce wasn't smoking something funny when he wrote it.