I left the office Friday afternoon forgetting to take Wolf Hall with me. I didn't miss it until that evening when I sat down to read. Do you know that sinking feeling of wanting to get back into a delicious book and being thwarted? Of course you do, I need not have asked. I was squarely faced with a dilemma. Do I drive back to the darkened and deserted office at that time of night to retrieve it, or take something else off the shelf? I turned my attention to the new stack of books recently purchased at The Big Book Sale and my hand lighted on Shroud by John Banville. Only a little over 250 pages, I assumed it would be an easy read for the weekend. After 50 pages I realized it was not a novel I could readily settle into for the night; I had no desire to spend that particular evening with Axel Vander, the narrator. After the day I had the thought of strapping him on was just too much. Banville writes so beautifully I will return to it; but, I do not anticipate it will be a pleasant reunion.
"I would lie to her, of course; mendacity is second, no, is first nature to me. All my life I have lied. I lied to escape, I lied to be loved, I lied for placement and power; I lied to lie. It was a way of living; lies are life's almost-anagram." Dissect Axel Vander's person hood and that is what you would find at his core.
Old Axel hit upon one of my raw nerves; I am already not liking him very much - or trusting him very much. Lying is useful to cover bad behavior, obtain something not deserved, or avoid punishment (usually justified). "I need that good grade," "I don't want to go to jail," "I want that job," or the ever popular, "My wife would leave me." Right, right. You're saying we all tell a lie now and then. Yes, certainly not every baby is beautiful and not every hair-style becoming. So perhaps you weren't exactly campus queen (if that sort of thing is important to you) but you did run, and you did come in second - so it's almost true. No, no, no. We are not talking about those kinds of - well - let's call them embellishments of the truth. And telling the Nazi SS, straight-faced, that there is no one hiding in the attic is a lie I would have proudly told (assuming the requisite courage). The lies that deceive the trustful soul - those are the lies I'm talking about, the lies that wound.
Some people find themselves wading through lies every day - trying to sift through facts in the hopeful expectation that truth will pile up in a little heap and untruth will be caught in the fine mesh. We are expected to hold the belief that when someone raises their hand and swears to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but...the oath in itself is the truth. But I've always wondered what good is there in an oath that spews from the lips of a skilled (or in Axel's case a proud) liar? It makes no sense.
Why should truth hold such currency with us? I would offer this: lies have the capacity to destroy lives, ruin careers, end marriages and stab trust in the heart. You only need to look at the headlines for affirmation. Whether it be politics or love or closing the deal, truth is the net below the trapeze. Liar and Cheat, I should hope, is an epitaph to be avoided. So I ask myself, why should I want to spend any more time with Axel Vander? I can't redeem him, and I do not wish to engage him in conversation. But I can pity him and re-affirm my belief that there is something satisfying in speaking truth. I can also take pleasure in the mouth-feel of Banville's prose. Even a cursory reading of Shroud reveals that saving grace in the book. Perhaps I've judged Axel too soon. After all, I've only just brushed shoulders with him. Nevertheless, "I lied to lie," echoes in my ear. The question I have for you, Axel, is this: "Are you lying when you say you lie? If lying is what you do, are you lying about that too?" What a pretty problem. Or more likely, not so pretty one. I guess I'll wait to find out; I'll try to keep a fair and enlightened mind. But between you and me, I'm inclined to believe Axel Vander is a complete and utter tool.
Axel Vander sounds like an awful man to curl up for the evening with, so to speak. I think that as a general rule, I can cope with extremely flawed characters in fiction - but I need them to have some kind of redeeming features otherwise I find it hard to engage.
ReplyDeleteLovely post - hope that you enjoy Wolf Hall when you get it back!
Hannah
Hannah, he just might turn out to be the character I love to hate. And, I did get back into Wolf Hall and am loving every minute.
ReplyDeleteooh i definitely would brave a dark office to retrieve wolf hall rather than spend an evening with this thoroughly unpleasant sounding character!
ReplyDeletePriya, that is exactly why I didn't spend the evening with him. Banville is a beautiful writer, though, so I'll try again. I am now forewarned to be in a better state of mind when I eventually take him on.
ReplyDeleteGrad: This was a thoughtful post, just the kind I like to read. But did you go back for Wolf Hall? I know the feeling you're talking about exactly -- a book you are living in is missed like a living person. On the topic of liars, I recently had the experience of uncovering a nest of lies by someone I had trusted but wasn't especially close to. What an experience. Those of us who generally tell the truth are not very well equipped to handle those who generally don't tell the truth.
ReplyDeleteBibliophiliac, I did not go back to the office. I was already in my jammies and it was really quite late. The office is in an old mansion and my particular office is up in the former carriage house. Our runner was calling it "the crow's nest" until I looked at him funny. He switched it to "the bird's nest." Good man. Anyway, it can be fairly creepy at night. Everything creaks and groans and moans as it is. As for lying, it has been a pet peeve of mine for decades. I'm sorry about your experience, but you are correct. People who generally speak the truth can be blind-sided by those who don't.
ReplyDeleteI love the philosophy here. Have you ever noticed that a character, person, and/or book we don't like can sometimes make us more eloquent than one we do?
ReplyDeleteTink, I think you're correct. Especially when the character seems to have no redeeming qualities at all. I can think of quite a few in literature and, unfortunately, more in history. Perhaps they do us a service by resurrecting our passion to push back at all they stand for.
ReplyDeleteSorry you forgot Wolf Hall at the office (your office sounds like a great place for ghosts to hang out though). The Banville book sounds really interesting. I've not read him yet. While it is very hard to see things from the point of view of a character that is despicable, it can be an educational and not entirely unpleasant experience. And, who knows, like you said, Axel might end up being one of those characters you love to hate.
ReplyDeleteStefanie, Shroud is really beautifully written. I know I'll go back and read it, but I doubt I'll change my mind about Axel. I think he'll turn out to be a total shmuck.
ReplyDeleteOh, Stefanie, yes. I'm sure the building is quite haunted. I wouldn't go up in the attic on a bet. But it is really beautiful during the day - lots of those features you love in old houses.
ReplyDeleteEveryone's said such good things and I echo them all. I think that the truth is really powerful. It's liberatory when you hear it (although I do love the saying my Phd student taught me: 'The truth will set you free, but first it will p*** you off.'). And so inevitably lying is the opposite, a kind of anti-matter. It will always cause an implosion eventually. I agree though that awful characters sometimes make great fiction, and I say that having not long finished Lolita.
ReplyDeletei went and read a bit about banville. it sounds like i would need to read him on a seriously sunny day to counteract some thickly layered doom and gloom.
ReplyDeleteGraddikins, I'm still coming to terms with your talking about 'strapping on' Axel Vander for the night *and* calling him a tool - I'm laughing aloud here on this rainy afternoon!
ReplyDeleteI knew a guy once who admitted he preferred to lie than tell the truth. Just for the sake of it. But as you say, was he lying? Exhausting! But liars as narrators... well, lots of interesting territory to cross there, especially because they're so hard to map. Still, I prefer the idea of your curling up with Wolf Hall. I'm heavily biased in its favour.
Litlove, your Phd student was correct. The truth 'aint always easy to take! I still have to get around to reading Lolita. There's been a lot of talk about it lately on the blogosphere. I think you started something.
ReplyDeletePriya, Banville has that tortured poet look about him. Maybe it's not just atmosphere for the book jacket. (Although he looks terribly attractive to me - the same way Severus Snape does.)
Doctordi, oh my gosh, the allusion of "strapping on" Axel Vander and reference to his being a tool totally escaped me until you mentioned it!! How funny! Now I'm laughing. Duhhh. Geeeez! I wish I could be that clever on purpose! And, yes, curling up with Wolf Hall is far more comfy - less spiky edges.
hello! i forgot to mention that i think you are meant to pass the award on to seven people--but then i do not see the comment here where i gave you the award... hmm. maybe it did not stick? your award for your beautiful blog is at the plum bean!
ReplyDeleteThanks,Priya.
ReplyDeletePerhaps we can make a bookclip for you, attached to the same neckband as the one we're going to hang your glasses off? Decorative? Maybe a few grey pearls, a little beading? Never misplace a book again! Just your dignity!
ReplyDeleteI was getting into John Banville (and his alter ego Benjamin Black) when an equally well-known author let drop some truly scurrilous gossip about him. I am sufficiently shallow that it's coloured my view of his work ever since - ah, but was the story true?!
I'm with you on liars, all the way. As the daughter of a compulsive liar, I'm a one-strike-and-you're-out reactionary. It's difficult enough disentangling the lies people tell themselves, let alone each other; I like fiction safely stowed in books.
NB "Tool"? Grad, you've got to stop hanging out with us Australians. If the word 'bonzer' crops up in a post, there'll be a lot of confused readers...
Okay, Fugitive. Spit it out. We need that Banville scandal and we need it now. Grad, make her talk!!!
ReplyDeleteFugitive,I could be like Marley's ghost and hang my entire library around my neck, dragging around all my books in metal strong boxes - like a Dickensonian-version of Kindle! Okay, now spill the beans about Banville!! You can temporarily suspend everything I said about the truth. It doesn't count when it comes to gossip! And I promise, only Doctordi and I will read it (tee hee) Everyone else will be on the honor system. (Right, everyone? wink) You can whisper it if you like - but now it's going to drive us mad if you do not come clean.
ReplyDeleteDoctordi, short of getting Fugitive in a neck hold, got any other suggestions? Only thing is, I can't think of anything someone else hasn't already done that is scurrilous enough to be considered scurrilous.
I have e-mailed you, Grad and Di, because I can't countenance turning your blog into a literary Perez Hilton. (Also because I think I may have oversold the gossip; it's probably mildly titillating rather than scurrilous, and I'm just much, much too judgmental about other's people' life choices. *ahem* Glass houses, stones, etc.)
ReplyDeleteI like your Dickensonian Kindle, Grad, but it would keep chiropractors very busy indeed. Merely shifting my To Be Read pile gives me twinges.
Amen, sista. And I promise you this: I may have lied to you when i was younger (and we know the repercussions I faced after that)...(not a terrible lie, folks; just your standard teenage lie), but I have found that, as cliche as it sounds, "the truth shall set you free." Im lucky to have a mother that I can talk to and be honest with (except for the said occasion above...which she inevitably found out about hours later), and that I honestly know and appreciate the benefits of being upfront and honest with her. In return I receive the most amazing, honest and blunt advice of a woman who amazes me each and every day. You have helped me through the darkest and most depressing time in my life...a time where we all thought I may never recover from. But because of you, I can breathe again and am as happy as ever. And for that, Maja, I can never repay. But I promise you this: I will ALWAYS be honest with you and try my best to make you proud and know that you have raised one, sweet, intelligent, loveable GRIT!!! I love you, mama.
ReplyDeleteDarling Katharine, you light up my life.
ReplyDelete