Thursday, April 15, 2010

Ten Things

"I wish to thank the Academy..." Oops - wrong award. The Beautiful Blogger and Honest Scrap Awards have been graciously bestowed upon your humble servant by the most perceptive (wink wink) Bibliophiliac (have not figured out how to do links, but you can find that delightful blog in the list over yonder) with the instruction to tell 10 things about myself, and then to award the same honors to 10 other blogs that I admire. (Which will be the easiest thing about this entire endeavor).

I don't much like myself as a subject. I am truly boring. So, we'll start with the obvious:

(Grad climbs upon her soap box and clears throat and speaks):

"As mayor of the Munchkin city, in the county and the land of Oz..."


"Hmmm? "

"No, wrong script. This is the one 'ya want."

"Oh, quite right.

(Applause, applause - hoots and hollers)

Grad, feigning to waive the crowd to silence ("Might as well milk this one to the last drop") as she "tut-tuts" the honor bestowed - with false humility and wondering if she remembered lipstick - addresses the adoring throng. "Thank you. Thank you my friends. We are gathered here - today - at this momentous moment of momentous-ness -- Err - to pay homage to..Um...ME! Yep! ME. I accept these awards with a fulsome heart. Ten delightful and hitherto unknown facts about Oh so wonderful wonderful Moi are as follows:

1. I am as boring as watching dust settle; but

2. My children think I am the best mother that ever walked the planet. Of course, I brainwashed them unashamedly. In my defense, loyal fans can be hard to come by so sometimes we just have to grow our own.

3. Twenty-one years ago I built a house that was supposed to be the home of my dreams. The dream turned into a big, hungry elephant that eats peanuts by the shovelful; alas, my shovel is often too small. I spend most of my free time devoted to its care and feeding. At times I am certain it hates me; at other times I think it merely loves to play tricks on me. Still, it's home and it is where I am happiest.

4. True and enduring love has eluded me all my life. I'm not sure why. Perhaps I've been lucky in so many other things my dance card was deemed full by the powers that be. could be (refer here to #1).

5. I have a happy soul and I am pretty good at making people laugh.

6. I believe in God and in heaven. If I'm wrong, no harm done. If I'm right, I hit the jackpot.

7. I've kissed the Blarney Stone.

8. I love people and have wonderful friends; but, I am a very solitary person. Having to go to work everyday probably saves me from being a recluse.

9. I want to be a writer when I grow up.

10. I want a red Hula Hoop, just like the one I had as a kid. And after I bring it home, I'm taking it into the backyard to practice (to the utter horror of my neighbors to be sure) until I become just as good at it as I was then. (I won a neighborhood Hula Hooping contest one summer. That I even remember such an un-auspicious occasion is probably number 11 in this list, but that would exceed my quota).

Well, dear friends I could go on, and on, and on about ME...What? What's that? Did I hear someone shout, 'More'?'" (She hadn't but mused "what the hell.")

Then I shall gladly bow to popular demand and proceed to start from the beginning. Ahem. There were gale force winds on the day I was born to poor but proud parents who were descended from the royal line of the House of Scrabowski in the county of Droznovia, nestled in the hills outside..."

Expounding prolifically, she failed to take notice that the crowd had slowly dispersed to a little pub around the corner. Apparently everyone was in need of a good, stiff drink. Grad, as was her wont, went home alone - in the rain - to eat a bowl of cold gruel.


  1. Hurrah! Of course you don't want to *be* a writer, because you already are one! We share so many traits: I make babies laugh. Uproariously. A talent I relish. A lovely post -- how perceptive am I....

  2. Bibliophiliac, thank you for giving me the Awards. It was yet another opportunity for me to have some fun on my little piece of the Internet. Hope I did you proud.

  3. What fun, Grad, and thanks for passing along the awards to me! I second bibliophiliac; you are indeed a writer (does this mean you're grown up?). Your posts always make me think or laugh or both....

  4. Tinky, the honor is all mine and you richly deserve the bequest (and after saying that I hope we are still friends). A long time ago I decided to stay young forever, but I forgot to tell my neck. I can't seem to get it to cooperate.

  5. Graddikins, I love the image of you Hula-Hooping your way to undoubted backyard glory - I sort of feel the same way about trampolining, although I was never any good and always got the bounce wrong...

    THANK YOU for honouring me - I was very kindly given this nod a little while ago, don't know if you remember (I had a really narky random commentator), so I'll have to dig deep to come up with another ten things you don't know about me since I am such an open book anyway, BUT (there is a point to this!) I think you also list your ten chosen blogs, which I'd personally like you to do so I can check out what else you like!

  6. Doctordi, I didn't know I was supposed to list the 10 blogs I've chosen with this honor, but I will now that I do know. I haven't tapped all 10 yet, so I'll wait until I get a chance to do that. I'm going to go back and check out your ten things to see if there's anything worthy of blackmail in there! And you are quite welcome!

  7. Oh Grad, how can you call yourself boring? this was great!

  8. Stefanie, flattery will get you anywhere in my book!

  9. So much fun!! I love #10 especially as this is also a secret want of mine (though I did not win anything close to a neighbourhood hula-hooping contest, and my childhood hula hoop was a kind of candy-cane stripey colour as opposed to red).

    And thanks for passing the awards along to me as well.

  10. Good Job, Maja!!! #1 was my fav (but of course)!!! youve always been my favorite author!!! I love you and wish i was there to give you a huge, warm ocongrats hug...instead I will drink a glass (or 5) in your honor!! (wow...i AM turning into my mother!) :) love you!

  11. 1. Love of one's mother is not brainwashing. It deservedly comes with the territory. You earned it!

    2. You are a writer. I am waiting for you to put your novel on paper.

    3. Don't grow up. You may be dissapointed.

    You Know Who

  12. Such lovely lovely responses here. I'll bet your kids adore you, and you know what? They are the best judges of character you will ever find. You can never ever fool a child, not about what's in your heart. And I agree with the commenter who said you are a writer already. You are!

  13. Inkslinger, you are a well-deserved recipient. I actually saw some Hula Hoops at the store this Sunday when I was shopping for my grandson's birthday present. They ain't made like they used to, I can tell you that.

    Katharine, I wish you were here to give me a hug even more than you wish it. But I am so proud of you, darling. Set Chicago on fire (not literally of course - Mrs. O'Leary's cow already accomplished that!)

    Litlove, kids really can see everything, can't they! That's what comes with seeing the world through innocent eyes. And, at least in the tiny world of The Curious Reader, I am a writer after all.

    Anonymous, thank you. I'm wondering if you are the anonymous who lives in Marietta, or are you the anonymous who is currently in the Witness Protection Program? In any event, thanks for the kind (and very astute) words.